For anyone who thinks the only worthwhile conventions are in Las Vegas, may we remind you of two grand meetings taking place in the heart of Chicago this month: The Cubs Convention is this weekend, and SoxFest is in two weeks. (RedEye's suggested marketing slogan: What shameful lengths you go to in order to score Jim Thome's autograph at the Palmer House Hilton stays at the Palmer House Hilton.)
In honor of all the Baseball hubbub, RedEye humbly suggests a few ways to up the ante at Chicago's slugger conventions. Here are a few sessions we wouldn't mind seeing. Cubs Convention
\ The DeRosa Debate
General Manager Jim Hendry fields questions about why on EARTH he traded versatile, dependable Mark DeRosa to Cleveland. (Attention, ladies: maximum of three questions about DeRosa's rugged good looks.)
Hitting Clinic
Pitcher Carlos Zambrano and the newest Cub, Milton Bradley, offer left-handed hitting tips. (Team session only; closed to public.)
Couples Therapy
TV broadcasters Len Kasper and Bob Brenly smooth over a rough patch in their relationship -- that time Brenly flirted with leaving the Wrigley Field booth over the off-season to become manager of the rival Milwaukee Brewers.
SoxFest
Keynote Speech
Set your ears to bleed as AC/DC breaks all the keynote rules rock star-style and wails an epic, 16-minute version of the White Sox's pregame song, "Thunderstruck." Stick around as the band goes acoustic and films a cathartic installment of "Storytellers" for VH1.
Who's the Next Carlos Quentin?
Belligerent fanboys and fangirls gather in the hotel bar to shout their opinions on topics such as minor-league prospects, the free-agent market and who would be a better general manager than Ken Williams.
Dreams From My White Sox
President-elect Obama orates his most memorable experiences as a White Sox fan and how they inspired and prepared him for elected office. Stay for a brief lecture by Gov. Blagojevich, a North Sider, titled, "Cubs: Baseball Team or Metaphor for Impeachment."
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Watch dog
By Whizzer
Here's what I'm watching this weekend. Bulls and Blackhawks -- again making me choose!
COLLEGE BASKETBALL
Notre Dame at Syracuse
11 a.m. Saturday, ESPN
Illinois at Michigan State
3 p.m. Saturday, ESPN
NHL
Blackhawks at St. Louis
7:30 p.m. Saturday, WGN
NBA
Bulls vs. San Antonio
7:30 p.m. Saturday, CSN
NFL
NFC championship:
Eagles at Cardinals
2 p.m. Sunday, Fox
AFC championship:
Ravens at Steelers
5:30 p.m. Sunday, CBS
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Five on one
Play along at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
The topic: How can you tell when it's Baseball season?
Jimmy Greenfield: Cub fans officially start lying to themselves.
Tracy Swartz: When Jimmy gets excited by girls in Jersey.
Michael Hines: The snow finally has been plowed from my street.
Brian Moore: Here's a hint: It's not in January.
Supriya Doshi: Jimmy starts to call in sick a lot, and comes in with funny tan lines.
